Letters To Anonymous
by With A Smile
Summary: Insight on the minds of the characters of FFVII, in letter format. Discont.
1. The Martial Artist

**A/N:** Today was a productive day in the creative gears of mah mind. This is a different take on Tifa's thoughts and feelings, in the form of a letter to Cloud (not necessarily one she's ever planning on giving him). Enjoy!

Set post AC.

**Disclaimer:** Final Fantasy VII and it's characters are Square's, not mine...

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**Dear Cloud,**

We've been through a lot together, haven't we? I remember you weren't so different when you were a kid. Aloof as ever, and quiet all the same. I wish I'd gotten to know you better then. Maybe that way things would've turned out differently, and everything that happened wouldn't have happened.

Still, I won't deny that what we've gone through hasn't been a learning experience. I learned so much about you as a person, Cloud, your emotions, personality, your feelings (though a lot of that still remains hidden)… I learned about our world, I learned about fighting, I learned about hate, war, love…

You're probably one of the better teachers I've had, and I'm sorry if I ever was impatient with you or angry or harsh. You've been through a lot more than anybody I know of, and you still came out strong and without a broken spirit. I admire you for that, Cloud. And I only ever did get angry because there's a lot of things I'm feeling that I just can't name… it's confusing, and I apologize. You deserve someone who'll understand you completely, know you, put up with you, love you for everything that you are.

You've changed a lot, and I guess I have too. We were so naïve when this whole adventure began, huh? Had barely stepped foot out of Nibelheim before winding up in Midgar. Inexperienced and youthful… it hasn't been so long since then, but it feels like ages, like it was a different life before our trip and afterwards…

I used to wonder if you thought of Nibelheim a lot when you were in SOLDIER… if you thought of me, of our promise. I did a lot, and I guess I was just a silly girl with a crush. But it was nice having a hero, and nicer that you were mine. And I just wanted to let you know that I'll protect you too, okay?

Well, I guess that's not the kind of thing a guy like you wants to hear, is it? What I'm trying to say is that I'll look out for you, that I've got your back. I remember feeling so alone after my dad died, and I didn't want this to happen, I didn't want to be alone. So I don't want you to feel that, ever. You've got a family, and that's what families do, right? Look out for one another.

I see you beat yourself up a lot, Cloud. You see so many faults in yourself and if you ask me, I can only see one- your fear. And you can overcome that, I know you can and I know you're strong enough to. And if ever you need help, I promise to lend a hand.

Geostigma was scary, huh? Nobody knew the cure, and people were dying left and right… I was a little worried when you left for so long, but I guess you should know that I understand why you did. It must have been scary to think that you were facing imminent death, that there was no cure and you were helpless. And I know you battle your fears every day. I won't say I wasn't upset that you'd leave with no explanation, because I was, but I understand.

I still don't quite get what goes on underneath those spikes of yours. You're such an enigma, Cloud. Sometimes I just want to shake you, because I miss those smiles you give out so rarely. You don't let on what you're thinking about, or what you want to do, or how you're feeling. I wish I knew because then I could help- but I know some things have to be done on your own.

And your heart is just as baffling. What's in there, anyways, Cloud? Marlene, Denzel, your mother, Nibelheim…? I can't tell, and sometimes I wonder.

Cloud… did you love her?

No, don't answer that. It'd be a hard enough of a question as it is and I'm not sure I want to know the answer, whether it's yes or no or something in between.

I can see that you miss her… I do too. She was something else, truly. A smile for every occasion and a big heart to encompass us all. Bright green eyes and a lively personality. And I miss her laughter and kind words, too, Cloud, but maybe not in the same way as you, I really can't tell, because you're just that mysterious.

Even if I can't tell what's going on in your head, I can see your grief, Cloud. It's lesser now, and I know you feel not quite so burdened, but can still feel it. I remember when it was overwhelming, overpowering, so much so that I could feel your pain too, rolling off you in waves. I wish she were still here too, cheering us all up, but I also remember wishing you'd stop making your pain worse by blaming yourself.

Maybe I shouldn't get into that, though. The last thing you want is a lecture on something that difficult to go through, right?

You gave her a beautiful burial, Cloud. Fit for a queen and perfect for a flower girl.

And if you come home smelling like flowers, I promise to understand that you still need time to heal your wounds, and that the church is sort of your sanctuary.

Maybe even your home, I don't know where you feel like you belong, Cloud. But even if you prefer the church, you should know there's always going to be an extra bed and dinner waiting for you at the bar, no matter how long you're away or wherever you are in the world.

Do you remember that night under the Highwind? You told everyone to go find what they were fighting for, and I knew you wanted everyone to share some last good memories, in case we… didn't make it back.

You and me, we didn't have anywhere to return to, did we? 7th Heaven was gone, and Nibelheim, well, it wasn't Nibelheim anymore. But that was okay, because all I needed was you to make sure everything was going to be all right. And everything I said that night… I meant every word of it. I thought I could hear you, I thought you were calling for me in the Lifestream, when I was so alone with no one to help me. No one but you, of course. So… you were what I was fighting for. This hero thing works both ways, don't you think? I can't just let you stand there and take care of me, right? I should be able to return the favor.

That night under the Highwind was nice, Cloud. It really was.. I felt better than I had since… a long time ago.

Do you remember that night at the Gold Saucer? I was so anxious, I didn't know what you'd say if I came in and asked to go on a date with you. There was just something I wanted to say and it made me so nervous that I thought I wouldn't be able to enjoy the evening at all.

But somehow, I did. The play was great, wasn't it, Legendary Hero Alfred? And the gondola ride… it was so beautiful that night, with the fireworks overhead and the bright lights everywhere… but if there ever was a time in my life I could rewind and do over, it'd be there. I was so sure it was the night I'd finally muster up the courage to say what I felt inside.

But timing is everything, and I guess my timing was off. I only got the guts to say what I wanted to say too late, after we'd been through too much and after you'd left for SOLDIER and came back a changed guy. And I guess our affections missed each other in time, and time doesn't allow for mistakes to be erased. For us, timing didn't go over so well. I wanted to try to fix that on the gondola, but I was too scared. So, what I was trying to say that night was that, well…

I… will always be there for you, Cloud.

**Yours,  
Tifa**

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**A/N:** Reviews are appreciated, I can't get enough constructive criticism :) 


	2. The Cetra

**A/N: **Another installment, readers of the world. Nothing much to say except read on!

Set post AC.

**Disclaimer:** I don't know Final Fantasy VII or it's characters.

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**Dear Tifa,**

Hello. We haven't talked in awhile, have we? I missed the sound of another female's voice up here- men can be so dull.

Tell me… how are you? I can only see and hear so much. You're just as tough to crack as Cloud, you know that? You might not think so, but it's hard to see what's going on in your head. The only emotion I can see easily from you is whenever I see you look at Cloud, or Denzel and Marlene.

It's your love, silly. It's radiating from you, and I can feel it without even trying… Tifa, you care so much. It defines you, it really does. You wouldn't be Tifa Lockhart without all of the compassion you have for everything that's dear to your heart.

My time with you all was short- too short, but I have no regrets and I'd change nothing were I given the chance, because everything happens for a reason and it was my fate to spend my time up here, being with you in spirit rather than flesh.

Tifa… I see the grief in your eyes too. Please… don't be sad. I'm fine- the Promised Land is wonderful. Tell Cloud that- I already did, but he still seems to still have that horrid air of misery about him. He needs love, and I can see you holding that back. Yes, I did like him, I liked him oh, so much, but it's more important for him to be happy than for him to be with me. And if being with you makes him happy, I want you two to be together. There's nothing else I'd like more than for my two best friends to be united. I'll watch over you two always, okay? And I would only smile because I see what you do to each other.

I'm only sorry that I can't share the laughs or the fun times with you guys. Every one of you… changed my life. I used to be a flower girl, not really respected and constantly harassed by Shinra because of what I was. But you and Cloud and Yuffie and Vincent and everybody, you all made me feel special and worthy. You knew what I was and didn't see me as a scientific experiment, but as a human being. And I was only ever used to people who knew of my past thinking of me as a specimen, nothing more. And oh, you guys all made me so happy, so much happier than I thought I'd ever be with myself… I died smiling, you know? I died when I was happier than I'd ever been in life, and I guess that's one of the best times to let go, leaving on a wave of bliss rather than in the deepest pits of despair.

I remember watching you fight Loz, and I'm sorry I couldn't have helped more. I was so worried, but I didn't know how to aid you, especially since there was so much going on…

I remember watching Kadaj desecrate the church. It hurt, because that was my sanctuary, but it spurred me on to call forth the Great Gospel. It healed the Geostigma, and I wish I'd had the willpower to do it before, and rid the world of such a gripping and terrible disease.

I remember watching Cloud get shot… a bullet through his already ravaged heart. I was so scared then, afraid that he'd get his life cut short as well… but then he was there in front of me, and I knew what I had to do. It wasn't his time yet, no matter how selfish I wanted to be and hold on to him forever. He had things to do, people to take care of…

So I woke him up.

He needed to face reality, anyways.

I remember a lot of things… and it's sad to think that I'm just a memory now.

Zack always says he hates it when I get upset and down on myself, and I don't really like the feeling much either, so I'll stop bringing you down too, Tifa. Sometimes you just can't help but feel a little melancholy, you know, but it doesn't last long. It can't last long with Zack Fair around, really.

Tifa… take care of yourself. Don't forget in the midst of all the good you try to do for everybody else in the world that your first responsibility is to yourself. Of course, keep Cloud in check and watch out for the little rascals that are Denzel and Marlene, but still. Remember that you're important too.

Heh, sometimes I worry that you care so much that you forget about yourself in the process.

I noticed the pink ribbons you guys wear. Makes me think of the one in my hair, and it always makes me smile. We're all together, whether it's in life or death.

… I miss you guys.

Next time you visit the church, think of me, please, and know that I'm thinking of you too.

**Love,  
****Aerith**

**P.S.** Zack says hi.


	3. The Hero

**A/N: **Boy have I been inspired recently. Nothing to say but read onwards!

And, of course...

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Final Fantasy VII or it's characters.

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**Zack--**

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for taking your sword, taking your memories, making them mine, for morphing into you, in a way. I'm sorry for liking your girlfriend and for not being a better friend and I'm sorry for… letting you die in front of my own eyes, while I didn't do a damn thing about it.

I'm sorry.

Your dream of seeing us being mercenaries isn't a reality, anyways. I'm a delivery boy now, but I guess you already know that, up in the Promised Land.

I said I'd live for you, too, but I guess I didn't do a great job.

If you were… still alive, everything would have turned out differently. You'd have helped me to Midgar and I wouldn't have absorbed your memories, you'd have gone to Aerith and she wouldn't have looked twice at me, and we'd probably be mercenaries now. I wouldn't have seen Tifa again either…

Was love… easy for you, Zack? Did you see Aerith and know she was the one for you? Because I remember you talking about her and I hoped it'd be easy for me too, just like that. But it's not. I… I don't know what I feel. I guess I don't know what to say or ask, really, because I don't know what I want and I don't know what I have to say.

I used to feel so guilty for letting her die… for letting you die… it was always my fault, I caused deaths rather than saved lives. I hated being unable to help you, to save you, to be too weak to make in into SOLDIER and fight alongside you… everything was too much for me, and the only time I felt strong and powerful was when I was thinking I was you.

Sorry for that, by the way.

It's different now, and I know everybody believes in me. It's good, and I like it. But… what are they seeing? Why do they see someone who's so strong and tough? All I see when I look at myself is… me.

I remember you used to swagger around with your Buster Sword and I'd look at you with awe. You'd be so tough and cool, bested only by Sephiroth himself. And yet, I looked up to you more than Sephiroth. You'd talk to everyone and anyone, even regular Shinra soldiers like me. You were friendly to everyone and hurtful to no one.

We were friends, right?

And in Nibelheim… thanks for rescuing me then. I was reduced to a mumbling idiot then, but you stuck by me.

I guess that's what being friends means.

I used to wonder if you ever felt weak, if there ever was a moment you would doubt yourself, and in the future a moment you'd regret. Seemed unlikely to me, but then again, I was in need of an idol, someone to look up to so I've had something to aim for. So maybe I made you more godly than necessary, because as I saw so well, you were only human.

Back then, you had the life I wish I led.

But the thing is… I like my life now. I fought and I battled and I bled just for peace. And peace is what I have now. The world isn't in danger anymore, and I lead a normal life. Delivery boy, remember?

I suppose you could call me a dad, too. Whenever I come home Marlene and Denzel are always waiting and smiling and shouting my name. It's nice, and I wonder if this is the kind of feeling real families experience.

Well, I guess I do have a real family.

Tifa calls me a dad anyways, even though she's the much better parent around here.

Tifa.

I feel mixed up. If I'm the dad of the same kids she's the mother of, doesn't that sort of make us a couple? Do I want that? Maybe I do, because I care about Tifa so much… but she would always have that question that I could never answer.

What do you think I should do? I'm not sure myself…

I can see it in her eyes, she's concerned, she worries, she cares. She cares more than I thought possible for anybody to care about me, and I don't get it. Why would she stick by me for so long, after all I've put her through? Why would she still smile at me when she should be kicking me out of the house after being late yet again? Why would she pack me lunch every day and pay the bills and organize my deliveries and stay up late waiting for me?

There're a lot of things I don't understand.

But I'm learning, and I hope that somewhere out there, you're proud of me.

I'll make sure you didn't die protecting me for nothing.

**--Cloud **

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**A/N: **I noticed that the last two chapters were abominably short and I apologize. I'm a little concerned with the length, to be honest, because I'm not sure if I conveyed what I wanted to with such short amounts of text... let me know what you think, please :) 

This recent rush of creative inspiration is bound to lead to a dry spell... but I shall make the most out of it while it lasts :D

This chapter is dedicated to **Nanyoky**, an awesome writer and a great supporter of my work and the Zack & Cloud friendship. Many thanks, Yoky.

Hope you liked it.


	4. The Engineer

**A/N: **Creative juices are still flowing :D

Set Post AC.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Final Fantasy VII or it's characters.

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Dear Cid,**

I can't believe that it's only been three years since I first saw you.

That day that we first met… you were yelling orders and cursing everywhere, when all you really needed to say was "Hi guys, my name is Cid". It was hardly a friendly introduction, but you were always unconventional.

You scared away half of the engineers that day, you know?

But I thought I saw what was really driving your foul mouth and angry tone. Your dream was about to be realized, the rocket was going to head into outer space. And it was my dream too and I could understand the passion behind your words and the fire behind your eyes. Maybe you expressed it differently, but I knew how you felt.

… I would have gladly died for that mission.

I knew something was wrong with Tank 8 when I saw it. It was emitting steam and making the occasional clunking noise, interrupting the smooth whirring of the rest of the rocket. By that time, you were in the midst of pre-launch fever, and no one would pay me any heed. I figured I could fix it quickly and on my own while you went up to make the final preparations with the crew, and that way I didn't have to bother any of you with it.

I'll never make that kind of mistake again.

I could feel your excitement, your dream finally being realized at last. And at the culmination of it all… I ruined it. I still don't have the adequate words to apologize. I remember you demanding to know who was bringing your dreams to a shuddering halt, and I answered, telling you that it'd be okay, forget about me and continue with the launch. Because that was what I wanted. I wanted to know this rocket was going to blast off towards the heavens, even if I couldn't be around to see it. My own life didn't matter in the grand scheme of things, and if I could give it up just to make sure all the oxygen tanks were in order, I gladly would.

But I should have known better, Cid. I should have known that you'd never have anyone die just for your dream, you'd never be able to have anyone spill blood at your expense.

I didn't know what had happened, at first. I felt the temperature rising, the rocket ascending, the sweat beading because I had to make sure Tank Number 8's check was satisfactory before I…

And then, all of a sudden, we weren't gaining altitude, and I could feel the slight rush somewhere in my gut as we fell back down, landing with a thud that sounded so final, so ominous. A closing, and end to your dream. Our dream.

Followed by the giant creaking and the tilting of the rocket. Shinra wouldn't launch another rocket, not in six months, not ever. I was devastated. Partially because my dream would never be realized and that it was all my own fault, but more because I knew I had ruined everything you'd ever worked for.

After that, I wanted to apologize. I wanted to say something, anything, to show you that I was sorrier than you could ever imagine for spoiling the mission. But I couldn't. I didn't know what words could possibly do an apology of that caliber justice. So I quietly accepted every harsh word, every furious thought you spat at me, because I knew I deserved it. You weren't a gentle man to begin with, and this was just all of the frustration you were feeling, I know. I was feeling frustrated too. I wanted to scream at myself, to do something, anything, that could turn back time and make our mission successful.

I never did have the courage to say outright that I was sorry. So, Cid… I'm sorry.

You have no idea how much I mean that.

But then… Rufus wanted to send the Huge Materia in a dead-on collision course, set straight for Meteor. And your old dreams, buried until layers of thick regret and aggravation, were dusted off and you had the chance to shine again.

I think both of our common sense was clouded by the realization of this long-lost dream of reaching outer space. I certainly wasn't thinking about the true consequences of ramming a piece of Huge Materia with a rocket filled with people into Meteor. It wasn't the logical solution to the ridding of Meteor- it wasn't even a viable solution. But all I wanted was to see the stars surround me.

I can't speak for you, Cid, and what you were thinking about at that time, but I think that… we're far more similar that you might believe.

And when I was set to fix up the Auto-Pilot functions, I remember thinking _I won't be slow this time, I won't be in the engine room when it's time for liftoff. This time, it'll really happen. I'll make sure of it_.

And I did work as quickly as I could, and before I knew it, we were launching, gaining altitude, and we'd be among the heavens so, so soon… I was so delirious with joy, and I was enjoying it in one of the back compartments of the rocket, when I heard the explosion.

When Tank Number 8 blew up, I could hardly believe it. It was astonishing that the fuss I had made, the disappointment I had cast upon myself had all actually been reasonable, because Tank 8 had, in fact, been faulty.

But it had hardly been a time to be smug, because I think my heart stopped when I saw you trapped. Now a new guilt had settled over me, because if only I'd hurried up with my investigations of all of the tanks, you wouldn't have been stuck under the debris…

You may have been callous still, but I could sense the difference in you and our relationship after I helped you out of there. I liked it, even if I couldn't name it. Maybe it was gratitude? I never did put a finger on it and I didn't care to, because it was better just being there, rather than analyzed and overthought. The unspoken kindness (and I use that term very loosely) flowing between us afterwards was good for my soul, it helped heal some of the dents your more unforgiving words had made in my armor over time.

And space, Cid, space. It was breathtaking. Even after all of the problems and predicaments having this sort of dream had landed us in in the past, we were finally there. Outer space. Floating among the stars that had once upon a time been so far out of our grasp, an endless expanse above us, unreachable and seemingly unfathomable. But now, they were twinkling around us, so close I felt like I could stretch my arm out and keep one forever, as a memento of one of the most magical nights of my life. I needed to hold onto something, it was all so incredible.

Cid… you made it happen.

Three years later and I'm still in shock about that night.

After that, you went back to the adventurous life, taking a temporary reprieve from being the retired and temperamental pilot. I remembering being worried that you wouldn't come back, that every morning when I got the paper there'd be news of your death… or worse, no news at all if you did die, and I'd have to live forever wondering what happened to you, if you were out there somewhere, thinking of me…

But even so, I remember telling all of the fretting residents of Rocket Town not to worry, that their Captain would stop Meteor. And you did. You and Cloud and Tifa and Vincent and everybody did your job, you did it beautifully. You restored peace to us all with the defeat of Sephiroth.

Three years later and life was back to normal. Even after the Geostigma incident, you hadn't changed, you never would. Somehow silly, trivial things like life-threatening diseases caused by the presence of the cells of a ridiculously powerful calamity in your body didn't bother you.

You would simply tinker away with your airships and come back inside late at night, smudged with oil and weary from work, but always cheerful from having spent a day with your true love- airships.

At least, as cheerful as you came.

You'd stomp in, demanding something to drink for your &#&#ing hungry stomach, before plopping down in your regular seat at the table.

And then I'd serve you your tea, and you'd tell me to sit my goddamn ass down in the chair and drink mine too.

… Some things never change.

**- Shera

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**A/N:** Reviews are appreciated, if you feel inclined to do so. I always did like the Cid x Shera pairing :D Not much mention of it in this chapter, but still.

And symbols are very limited when it comes to posting stories. Hence the cheap ampersand and numerical sign (forgot what they're called) in place of the incriminating four letters of Cid's favorite word.


	5. The Hybrid

**A/N: **Update! 8D

Set a hundred years after the game.

**Disclaimer:** Same as the first four chapters.

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**Dear Vincent,**

One hundred years ago, we defeated Sephiroth together.

Ninety-eight years ago, the remnants and Geostigma threatened our world.

One hundred years ago, every member of AVALANCHE was alive and well.

One hundred years later, it is just us.

One hundred years from now lies the unknown.

I don't see you very often, Vincent. You are aloof and reserved as ever. I hope your… life is proceeding well. I'm unsure where you like to hang about nowadays. Up to the old haunts at Shinra Mansion, perhaps?

I hope Chaos is treating you well. I haven't heard much of you since our last gathering, and I don't suppose our paths will cross very often.

I remember first meeting you, Vincent. You were mysterious, but I could sense a wisdom about you that was impressive. You were trapped in the body of a twenty-seven year old, but your understanding extended far beyond that. You never did reveal all that you knew, but I think I understand that now that my own knowledge is broader than just that of an adolescent. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, after all.

I suppose we were the two more lucid thinkers in the party. Certainly not like the muddled brains of Cloud, or perhaps the fiery and emotional mind of Tifa, or the wild and unpredictable mind of Yuffie, or even the temperamental minds of Barret and Cid. You were a kindred spirit in a sense- you knew that you'd be… here, long after the rest of your friends were gone. Just like me.

It is lonely without our companions, our party members… our friends.

My paws are dusty from the long roads I've traveled- I've been across the world and back, Vincent. I ran across deserts and through jungles, over plains and past mountains. My paws do not grow weary, because I know that I have a purpose, that there is a reason to run and to howl at the sky and roar the names of the fallen. Gaia has flashed by underneath my paws. I was determined to live my life to the fullest, live for all seven of those who have died. I traveled to all of their favorite places for them.

My ears are full of the all that I've listened to over the years. I've gathered all of the information I could, to further my knowledge of the world. I've heard the cries of the dying, the laughter of the joyous, the laments of the broken, the heaving sighs of the relieved, the bubbling amusement of the blissful. Maybe that is why I don't talk very much. It is easier to listen that way. My ears are full of the sounds I heard for them.

My eyes are illuminated with all that I've seen. I watched everything I could, because there is a lesson to be learned from everything you experience. I've seen more than anyone I know… anyone except for you, of course. I've seen tragedies and miracles and everything in between. I've seen people on our journey fall in love… I saw the sights of the world for them.

My flank is scarred from the battles I've fought. There will always be evil to fight, but so long as there is evil, there will always be good to contest it. From the smallest beast to the great Sephiroth himself, there is a scratch or a scar on me that will never fade. Nor do I want it to, because it represents the fights I've fought with them, for them.

My mind is filled with memories of our times together. The human memory can be faulty and forgetful, however mine is perfectly clear. I can remember the exact words spoken between all of us, the last things I said to everybody before they departed, the first time I met Hojo, Bugenhagen's final words, everything that happened to me I can recall with precision. I consider it a blessing, because memories are all I have of them.

In case I have given the wrong impression, Vincent, I do not mourn. There is only forward to look towards as the days stretch on. Backwards is not an option. However, I do think of them and I do remember what we have shared. There are no better experiences than the ones you have with others, I think you will agree.

Life is different now. I should find a mate soon, and the first stage of my life is now drawing to a close. Sephiroth is not a threat, Gaia is recuperating, and Cosmo Canyon is thriving. I'm old enough to assume my rightful responsibility there now, and I think it is due time I do so. The part of my life with our friends isn't the part I live in now.

As the days wear on without them, I think I'll find myself thinking of them less. It would not do to dawdle on the past forever, and perhaps I should let go. Never forget, but let alone what belongs in the past.

Tomorrow, Vincent… I think I'll visit their graves one last time.

Are you coming?

**- Nanaki**

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**A/N: **I don't know that much about Nanaki, but I think he rocks so I wrote this chapter for him :D

Not sure how well it turned out, so sorry if it didn't go over very well. There isn't really a point to this, I was just fascinated with the idea of the only two members of the party surviving a hundred years after the game. I didn't really want to make Nanaki seem like he was all messed up and grieving, either. Just honoring their memories and moving on.

By the way, is Vincent's body that of a twenty-seven year old or twenty-eight year old? I had a huge brain fart and totally forgot D:

Oh, and apologies for the semi-long delay (in terms of my usual updating rate). Stupid real life.

Your criticism is welcome :)


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